The generations that came before us made do with survival. Most of our parents had the same vision: a home, enough food to eat and children with a lucrative profession. Today, this is no longer enough for most of us. Today, we want to be who we are, create new things, have friendships, partnerships and… intimacy. The goals of the current generation have changed, but the way, the method, the model that couple relationships are built on, have not changed.
The Result of This Is:
- growing frustration within couple relationships in society as a whole;
- relationships that are difficult to the point of violence and death;
- divorce rates that are on the rise;
- teens who are voting with their feet and choosing not to be in couple relationships at all.
The Questions We Need to Ask Are:
- Why do teens choose not to be in couple relationships?
- Why do people even need couple relationships?
- If having a relationship is necessary, what are its goals?
- How do these relationships work?
- How do we build a relationship that is right for us today?
- How do we build a bridge from a relationship of survival to a relationship between two, free individuals who fulfill themselves in life?
- How do we spread the change?
- How do we create this cultural change?
From a Relationship for Survival to a Relationship Aimed At Self-Fulfillment
Why Do Teens Avoid Relationships?
My path began with a difficult relationship, and I asked myself why we need relationships at all. I witnessed love and friendship in the previous generation, but also self-repression, loss of identity, sacrifice and symbiosis. I knew that relationships = love, but I really didn’t want to pay the price.
When I look at those young people who are not willing to be in a relationship, I understand them: Today, the young have their eyes open, they see the price that people pay in relationships, the low success rates, and they make a conscious choice not to go there. Most of them also know what they want it to involve and entail, but they don’t know how to get there. They lack a bridge from the relationship they grew up in to the kind they would like to live in. They see their goals clearly, and they are different from the goals of previous generations, but they have no way of reaching them.
Why Do People Even Need Relationships?
After a woman gives birth screaming in pain, we ask ourselves how she goes back into the delivery room; what draws her there and enables her to go through it all over again. Here, we need to ask: What enables people who have failed in one relationship or more to try again, and again? What draws us there? What is it that makes so many people get married, when it involves so much difficulty? What is the real motive behind the relationship? I traveled around the world in search of an answer to this question: What is the real goal of relationships today?
If You Need a Relationship, What Purpose Does It Serve?
When we look at relationships, we see a very precious, very painful place in which every touch is volatile, and it exists in the lives of most of the population most of the time. Relationships are where we build our home, raise our children, try to form friendship, work in partnership, and more. Even when we are not in a relationship, it is what drives us. The couple relationship is our biggest mid-life project.
On the one hand, our relationship is where our most precious things are present, and on the other, it is our greatest creation. That is why the couple relationship is the most powerful and available driving force for development for each and every person in our society. But we have forgotten this, and we have dressed it up in other clothes, with other expectations, and it has stopped working.
How Does It Work?
The couple relationship that we witnessed at home shapes the relationship between the masculine and the feminine parts within our psyche. The inner couple relationship produces our outer couple relationship and thus our outer relationship, being a reflection of the inner relationship between our masculine and feminine parts, can tell us what is going on inside of us. If we address this, we can change the internal relationship, and by doing so, change the external relationship.
But is that all? Of course not, it is just the beginning. The feminine part that is related to our vision, destiny, dreaming and self-healing, needs the masculine part to create the vision in reality. This means that the relationship between the masculine and feminine parts within our psyche determines our capacity for self-fulfillment. Our inner relationship is the key to fulfilling who we are in this life.
The significance of this is that to reach self-fulfillment, we need to take care of our inner couple relationship. We do this by looking at our external couple relationship and the one in which we grew up.
How Do We Attain a Relationship That Is Right for Us Today?
People who grew up in a particular marital system, have a set of rules, principles and worldviews ingrained in the relationship of their inner masculine and feminine parts, that will continue to result in the same model in which they grew up. Bringing the masculine-feminine relationship within us into our consciousness using tools that work with the masculine-feminine within us, and recognizing the worldviews we grew up in and how they clash with our truth today, form the foundation for creating a new inner relationship model. The new model will determine how we function in our couple relationships in particular and in all of our relationships in general.
It will determine the model of relationships that our children will grow up in, and the way in which we will function in society. Treating the state of couple relationships is key to cultural change.
The Bridge = The “Couples Harmony” Method
How Do You Build a Bridge From a Relationship of Survival to a Relationship Between Two Free Individuals Who Fulfill Themselves in Life?
We build the bridge by:
- exposing the antiquated relationship model;
- connecting our consciousness to our inner relationship;
- learning about the elements that act in a relationship;
- becoming familiar with the worldviews that underlie the relationship within us.
- discovering win-win communication;
- becoming familiar with the experience of freedom;
- envisioning a relationship of our own choosing = our own “personal relationship vision”.
When we use the Couples Harmony method we act within ourselves, and therefore we are not dependent on the existence or the cooperation of our partner. We are free to act for the good of our relationship regardless of the environment that we are in.
How Do We Spread the Change?
The results speak for themselves:
- A participant in my course said: “I don’t understand how it happened—I worked with my coach and my wife started treating me differently.”
- Another participant wrote, “In the last three months, I have been through a process that was amazing for me, and one of the most powerful I have ever been through; a process that led to a significant internal process that also affected the way I communicate and my relationships with the people around me. It had an impact on the methods and tools I use to coach with. This process was the result of learning the Couples Harmony method.”
- A third participant wrote: “Amazingly, the immediate improvement to my inner dialogue and my quest for balance continued along with my wife (and Iris) until we were able to stand tall within the relationship. This, in turn, opened up other barriers, expanded my freedom, openness, cooperation, friendship and love. The successful implementation all of the above with my own trainees was just a matter of time… Thank you for a fascinating journey and for opening up new possibilities for me, my family, our community, the world and the universe.”
- A participant in the first session of the mini-workshop responded with the following message: “In the very first session, I felt that something new was opening up for me…a new tool, new depth, a different way of looking at relationships from inside and out. I loved it.”
The current situation:
- The book “Couples Harmony, improving relationships between individuals: a guide” is available in Hebrew and soon will be available also in English.
- Today there are mentors who use the Couples Harmony method.
- There are short workshops of five sessions on the Couples Harmony method and on working with our inner masculine and feminine parts.
- There are short workshops of five sessions on win-win communication (according to the Couples Harmony method). The method of communication taught in the workshop is suitable for any external communication we encounter in life, as well as for communication between our inner masculine and feminine parts.
- There is a training track in the method for coaches, mediators and therapists.
- Introductory sessions on the method will be held wherever they are requested (suitable for all).
How Do We Create This Cultural Change?
We currently have a number of very powerful driving forces for creating change:
- The relationship situation of most of the population;
- The extent of relationship difficulties within people’s lives;
- The fact that most parents are frustrated because their children are not prepared to enter into a relationship;
- The available and simple tools for changing relationships.
What remains is for us to look at our society, to choose where it is best to start and in which way to move forward.
Information on the Couples Harmony method can be found on my website.