The Couples Harmony Method
The Method – Motives and Origins
The method was created out of a desire to heal relationships in crisis, and at the same time to benefit from the challenges of the relationship, both individually and as a couple. Challenges open up our ability to develop as individuals and in our relationships. In these situations, as we learn and change, we can use our newfound abilities to help us heal our relationships, and reap far-reaching benefits from these challenges. This process creates profound change within each partner in the relationship.
The method was developed by Iris Sovinsky and is based on several sources: Dr. Carl Jung’s conception of the “anima” (the inner feminine side in the man) and the “animus” (the inner masculine side in the woman) within the human psyche; the anthroposophical approach developed by Dr. Rudolf Steiner about the development of the individual; and Buddhist knowledge about the importance of compassion in relationships. The creator of the method, as a couples therapist, adopted these general perceptions of the human psyche and found new ways to integrate and apply them in couples therapy.
How Does the Method Work?
The roots of the Couples Harmony method lie in Depth Coaching, a method used to create a connection between the person and his inner subconscious parts. These parts are responsible for different functions in a person’s life, and Depth Coaching helps to improve the functioning of each part alone and the connection between all parts as a whole, a connection that affects the joint function of all the internal parts. Through this special way of working, profound changes and healing can be seen relatively quickly, and in parallel the problems in our external relationships also begin to melt away. As the internal couplehood engine changes, all the components of the relationship are impacted and change for the better: communication, mutual respect, acceptance of difference, cooperation, partnership, security and more.
Advantages of Working With the Method
The Couples Harmony method introduces us to our subconscious masculine and feminine parts in a focused way. The method invites us to get to know these parts and heal them, through creating a conscious and direct connection with them and with their relationship with each other. The method strengthens our center, allowing us to function in the world from a place of balance, and to live in authenticity from our inner truth both as individuals and within relationships.
Working with the Couples Harmony method develops the couplehood engine inside each person. From the moment a person learns to connect to this internal engine, he acts in harmony with all his internal parts, opening up the possibility for a relationship that constantly develops and renews itself.
Those parts within us that develop in working in the method, are also responsible for other abilities and areas in our lives, such as the ability to produce ideas and vision and fulfill them in reality, and the ability to balance spirit and matter. In working with the Couples Harmony method, the development that takes place within us affects all levels of life and happens simultaneously as we progress.
Here are some areas where the method has proven its effectiveness:
Help With an Existing Relationship
The relationship between the masculine and feminine parts of the subconscious affects many areas of our lives, including the nature of the relationship we can build with our spouse. These relationships – which take place between the parts within us – are affected by the male-female relationships we saw at home and in our environment during childhood and adolescence. These impressions are imprinted in us without us being aware of it, and we are therefore also unable to change what has been imprinted within us.
Direct access to these inner parts allows us to break free from patterns that do not serve us and keep recurring in our lives. If our relationships usually are characterized by lack of communication, anger, arguments, avoidance of connection and more, this probably can also be used to describe the relationship between the masculine and feminine
parts within us. Improving and healing the inner relationship will make it possible for us to free our relationships from these elements.
Help for Individuals Without a Relationship
There are times when the relationship between the masculine and feminine parts in the subconscious does not allow us to stay in a couples relationship at all. We find ourselves going through life without being able to begin or hold on to a relationship for extended length of time. Healing the inner relationship will allow us to respond and be present in our external relationships as well, without leaving the relationship or being left again and again.
Improving the Flow of Love in a Relationship
When I talk of “the flow of love in a relationship”, I am referring to the possibility for one partner to feel love for the other. When one partner surrenders to the other partner’s love and accepts it, she is filled with strength and he feels fulfilled. The flow of love in a relationship is a natural process that nourishes both partners. The flow of love allows them to act together from a place of unity and strength when facing the challenges of their relationship, and in coping with challenges presented by their environment.
The flow of love in a relationship is often damaged for various reasons, not necessarily related to anything the couple themselves may have said or done. The harm is usually due to external forces. When the flow of love between the couple is impaired, the damage to the relationship and the couple is immediate, and weakens their ability to cope with any life and relationship challenges that arise.
Recognizing the importance of the flow of love and dismantling the factors that block it will restore the flow of love to the relationship, together with the power it generates. More about the flow of love in a relationship and how to heal it in this article.
Improving Communication With Our Partner
In order to achieve a good relationship between our inner parts, we help them to create respectful communication that allows each inner part to receive what it needs to function, while accepting each other’s differences. In the new state, a new relationship is formed between our inner parts that includes friendship and partnership.
The new nature of our internal communication allows us to have respectful external communications as well – in our relationships – and then the possibility opens up for accepting the differences between the partners and finding a way to fulfill each partner’s basic needs within the framework of the relationship.
Our inner feminine part fulfills the role of our Minister of the Interior. It connects us to the spiritual, and is also responsible for producing ideas and vision. Healing the feminine part improves its functions and our ability to encounter ideas within us. Our inner masculine part is the Foreign Minister. It is connected to the physical, and knows how to take the idea from the feminine part and translate it into action, so healing the inner masculine part improves our ability to realize ideas.
To realize an idea we need the two parts, the masculine and the feminine, and the cooperation between them, so that when the feminine part produces an idea, the masculine part will want to realize it in reality and the feminine part will be there to help it do so. Working with the Couples Harmony method allows this activity within us to happen in the best way possible, so that the person can encounter ideas that come from within him and realize them in the external world.
Improving the Balance Between Spirit and Matter
As human beings, we are connected to both spirit and matter. Our connection to spirit and matter greatly affects our quality of life. A person whose connection is more inclined to the spirit will have an abundance of ideas, while a person who is more connected to matter will have a good chance of acting and changing things in the world. When spirit and matter are not balanced in an individual, he will experience difficulty in functioning of the masculine or the feminine part. Someone may have a lot of ideas without the ability to put them into practice, or he may be good at implementing ideas in the real world – without being able to come up with any ideas to implement.
The feminine part within us connects us to the spirit and the masculine part within us connects us to matter. The meeting point between them is the place in the individual where spirit and matter meet, and the connection between them determines our quality of life. By working with the Couples Harmony method, we can improve the cooperation between these parts and our functioning in life while maintaining the balance between spirit and matter.
- The work with the masculine and feminine parts in the subconscious can be learned through reading the book “Couples Harmony – Improving Relationships Between Individuals: A Guide“, or with the help of personal or couples coaching in the method.
- Coaching in the Couples Harmony method can be done in person or remotely (on Zoom or phone).
- More information about the method and how it works in different situations can be found in the articles on this site.