What Is Synchronicity Between a Couple?
Two people in a relationship share mutual experiences and mutual understandings, enabling them to live and operate together. In the company of one another there is some kind of a force that acts upon them and creates synchronicity between them. The amount of time they spend together, the stories they tell each other, the opinions they exchange, the inner “truth” that one shares with the other, the activities they doing together, all create synchronicity between them. Even if we are not aware of it, we experience synchronicity, it helps us to work together in harmony and to feel comfortable with each other. In no sense does it mean that we become alike or that we lose our identity; rather it acts as a lubricant keeping the different cogwheels working in coordination, without changing the size or distinctness between them.
When we are united, synchronicity occurs on its own (spontaneously) without our knowledge.
The Loss of Synchronicity Between Couples
When couples part temporarily, each partner going about his/her daily affairs or one of them making a long journey, they encounter challenges which affect them in various ways.
From an inner perspective, someone who leaves home in the morning, returns in the evening different in some ways than when they left. In many instances a prolonged separation will amplify the difference between who they were when leaving their partner and who they are when they meet again.
Because this process is primarily internal, and we are preoccupied with the challenges we experience during the day, the change is usually not discernable. But someone who has not seen his partner for a whole day or a lengthy period, but does remember how they were before parting, can sense the change which has a presence when they are together once again.
Why do we describe this change as having “presence” rather than describing it as “clear” or “discernable”? Because clarification of issues involves an intellectual process, which in turn depends on having information. However, we are dealing with issues which are sensed and for which we do not have information; we thus experience them rather than processes them in our minds.
Couples in Syncronization
When a couple separate temporarily and reunite, a natural, automatic process occurs. I call this ‘renewed synchronization within a couple’. This process occurs when both partners are together and present for one another. They are usually unaware of it happening.
Example:
Yariv and Yocheveth have three children. Every morning the couple arise at the same time and work as a team in order to leave home in time to take the children to school. They then part and go to their respective workplaces. Following the shared activity of the morning, they leave home feeling strongly connected.
Later in the day Yocheveth takes the children home from school and spends time with them. Later Yariv comes home, both he and Yocheveth have been active at different places, with different experiences and the good feeling of being together that pervades in the morning has receded in face of the events of the day.
Yariv usually comes home in the afternoon and the couple have time to discuss how their day went. This is the stage when automatic synchronization reoccurs between them, enabling them to act ‘in sync’ again as a team at the end of the day, making the job of putting the children to bed pleasant and enjoyable.
When Yariv comes home later than usual, just as the children are going to bed, he and Yocheveth do not have the time to create synchronicity and although they work as a team towards the same goal, they are not in sync, a situation in which they often quarrel.
When Yariv and Yocheveth came to me, they wanted to know what caused these differences between them on those particular days. When they understood the principle of synchronization, they decided to make time to be together before shared activity in order to get ‘into sync’. Alternatively, they would make allowances for being ‘out of sync’ because of the circumstances prevailing at the time.
When an unseen, natural process continuously occurs without us realizing it, it is difficult to identify at which point it ceases to occur naturally, and even more difficult to explain and amend the subsequent consequences. Because we are accustomed to sense these matters, we feel that something has changed. If we are aware of these factors, we can focus our efforts on enabling synchronization to take place. It is possible and indeed valuable to start the synchronization process before actually meeting up with our partners.
Descriptions of The Process by Couples I Have Spoken With:
- “In my experience there is synchronicity between our energy fields. During the day, I experienced a feeling of renewal a feeling which my partner also experienced and we now are in the process of re adjustment and renewed synchronicity.”
- “This is really an important part of bonding. There is synchronicity between the energetic, telepathic, emotional, consciousness and sensual fields. We feel it, especially in a long hug. Similar to water in communicating vessels.”
- “Everyone comes home after his/her day, having had many experiences; at first, we adjust to one another. From there we connect in a common field. Equalization of pressures. Like the Law of Communicating Vessels.”
- “The intention of ‘complete togetherness’, which is true love, can only be realized after synchronization with each other.”
- “In my experience when my partner and I see eachother after a period of time, we need to be side by side before we can truly be together. To sit around, chat and even do our individual thing, but next to eachother. I call this synchronicity. I know that without this synchronicity it is difficult to be close to one another.”
Renewing Synchronicity Between Couples.
- The first step is to raise awareness of synchronicity in the minds of the couple. Even if one partner has difficulty accepting the idea, the conscious attempt to synchronize and the positive effect it has on the relationship, will persuade the unconvinced party.
- Next time you are about to meet your partner, even if you are living together, just before the meeting, try remembering the good things you have between you and imagine that the meeting will be pleasant. If you feel something is not suitable for the meeting, ask yourself to release it, so that you are clear of external influences.
- When you meet your partner take the time to be together, without actually doing anything. You could have a cup of coffee together, share the experiences you had while you were apart, or just be in a quiet space next to each other.
- At this point it is appropriate to discuss external factors which have the negative effect of making the time spent together unpleasant. This will help a partner to understand the situation when nothing happens, that this is not because of either him/her or the relationship. For instance, when someone is stressed out because of work or worried about someone close who is ill.
- Remember, synchronicity is spontaneous and happens of itself, it only needs for the couple to spend time together, free of distractions such as telephone calls, TV or anything else which demands attention.
- What happens if there is not sufficient time for synchronicity to occur? A telephone call before meeting or any other means of communication, can convey the feelings of both about events during the day. It is important to understand the significance of these communications in enhancing the quality of the meeting.
- If there is no time available for synchronicity to occur, and the couple are aware of its importance, roles can be allotted to each partner so that there is minimum interaction between them. Partners act independently, making it easier to function even without synchronicity. Dividing the mutual effort into separate jobs with no connection between them can be challenging.
- There is great importance in devoting time to create synchronicity whenever possible.
Following a prolonged separation, such as a trip overseas of a partner, it will probably take longer to achieve synchronicity than with shorter periods of separation, because the changes which occur are greater. Discussions between the couple may help to bridge the gap formed during the long interval spent away from each other.
Because synchronicity between people requires the attention of both parties close to the time of their meeting, it is important to devote time in advance of the meeting. This is especially important with a busy schedule and many tasks to perform.
Example:
Yael and Ravid loved each other deeply. At one stage, Ravid’s work demanded that he travel and be away from home for four days a week. Yael raised the children and looked after the household. When Ravid would come home, he was not involved with what was happening in the home, could not blend in with the daily routine and felt he was left out of things. In addition, he worked from home during the weekends and was thus distanced from family life. The rift between Yael, who was preoccupied with child-raising and Ravid, who was immersed in his work, deepened. Gradually Yael and Ravid spent less and less time together and when they were together the experience was not as gratifying as before.
At some stage when Ravid had completed a project at work and was waiting for his next one, he was suddenly present in the home, observing the challenges of raising children. He began to understand Yael and started to be involved in her life. Working together in unison again helped restore the bond between them.
When Ravid obtained his next assignment, the couple sought a way to maintain the mutual involvement even if Ravid spent most of the week away from home. Telephone conversations during his absence and synchronicity between them when he came home, enabled them to bond and to conserve the closeness they achieved.
Observations
- We suggest you examine what happens when you meet your partner after being apart for a day or more: what is the difference in what you sense and feel about each other? What is the difference between your expectations of what will happen between you after being apart, and how the relationship functions in reality.
- Next time you separate and meet again, try to act as described above.
- After several tries, take a look at the relationship and compare it with how it was before you consciously created synchronicity between you.
Summary
Couples who are apart during the day experience distancing, which presents a challenge when they meet again. Awareness and careful attention to the issue make it possible for the natural force of synchronization to be activated, and facilitates the growth of the couple’s bond.
