Introduction
We are sometimes asked how Couples Harmony Coaching differs from other coaching methods. Understanding the difference is very important in order to achieve the best possible results from the method, in two main respects – people will know if the method is relevant for them, and coaches will find it easier to decide when it can be most helpful in working with their clients. It is also valuable for other practitioners to understand what is different about Couples Harmony Coaching, such as coaches, mediators and therapists who are looking for additional tools to use in working with their clients. The objective of this article is to provide that answer for clients, coaches and therapists alike.
Relationship Work
In my opinion and experience, relationship issues embrace many aspects of our lives, and working with relationship issues opens up an opportunity to encounter additional hidden parts of ourselves. It’s like a secret door – only those who know about it can move through it and discover new realms. This obviously isn’t the only way to access the full range of issues involved in work on relationships and personal issues, but it is convenient and relatively accessible.
In addition, because relationship issues are vital for so many people and the feelings experienced are often extremely painful and touch on many issues beyond the relationship itself, the impact of this method can be much broader in nature. It acts like a wave, sweeping everything out of its path due to its very strength. This is especially true of problems that, on their own, would not have brought the client for coaching, not because they are not important, but mainly because their importance and the extent of their influence on our lives is harder to comprehend.
For example, we have often been approached by people with anxiety disorders. While anxiety disorders in themselves weigh heavily on people’s lives, in such cases anxiety was brought up within the context of its effect on the relationship. A further example is where people are unable to communicate with their partners, leading us into much broader and more painful areas relating to the person’s ability to communicate with others and with themself.
Harmonious Relationships and Inner Voices
In Couples Harmony Coaching, we work with our inner voices, the voices that are designated to guide us in our lives. As part of our culture, we have learned to ignore them, which means we are essentially ignoring our own innate inner guidance. As a result, our lives often drift into places that are not good for us. The Couples Harmony method helps us to use the voices of the relationship to reconnect to our inner voices, and get back on track before the results of ignoring their guidance manifest in our lives.
For example, when a partner tells us that they are not comfortable with us, it means that we are not comfortable within ourselves, and within this, we are also uncomfortable with some of our inner parts. We externalize our discomfort and our partner becomes aware of it, without knowing what’s going on inside us. This can make some partners angry, while others will choose to explore the inner sources of this discomfort and will try to learn what it’s about, and what within us is producing it in our inner parts.
In a further example, when our partner tells us that it is hard to get through to us, the inner meaning is that parts of us feel disconnected and are unable to reach an internal dialogue, in turn creating an external sense of disconnection, that our partner becomes aware of without knowing its source.
Work With Inner Masculine and Feminine Parts
We all have inner masculine and feminine parts. These parts are significant within the inner voices we mentioned earlier, and also form the basis of our inner relationship and have a tremendous impact on it. The way our inner masculine and feminine parts function in our inner relationship runs in parallel with how we function in relationships. In Couples Harmony Coaching we will learn the state of our inner masculine and feminine parts through our relationship with our partner, and will be able to resolve problems in the relationship through the relationship between our own inner masculine and feminine parts. Working with them and through them allows us to create a good relationship even when the partner does not want to attend, or even when there is no partner.
Identifying Inner Needs
Our inner voices teach us about our basic needs. The culture of ignoring inner voices leads us to neglect our basic needs. This neglect reminds me of the story of the carter who taught his horse to eat less and less until he died. We too, if we continue to function without meeting our basic needs over time, will find ourselves in a similar state, physically or emotionally. In Couples Harmony Coaching we learn to identify our basic needs in order to give ourselves the foundation we need for our lives.
Once identified, our basic needs are usually simple and can be met without much difficulty. However, other needs are more complex. Meeting such needs is more complicated and may even prove to be impossible.
Harmonious Communication and Bridging the Gaps Between Partners
Harmonious communication is a form of communication through which solutions can be found that will meet the basic needs of all concerned. In order to do so, we must explore the basic needs of each partner in the relationship, working with a careful communication process governed by specific rules and proceeding through a number of stages. This process is defined within the method and is based on additional elements within it. As we work through the process of harmonious communication between the inner masculine and feminine parts, we attain the inner harmonious relationship, the tranquility that allows us to function externally from a safe place, together with the experience required to do so with others, outside ourselves.
Additional Benefits
As we mentioned at the beginning of the article, it is possible, through working on the relationship, to arrive at other issues such as self-sacrifice and victim mentality, letting go of control, abundance, teamwork, family reinforcement, personal mission, fulfillment and more. Working with Couples Harmony Coaching opens up the situation and analyzes it, teaching simple and natural tools that we can use later even after the coaching process itself has come to an end. The coaching process allows us to learn the tools and practice using them.
Because this is an internal process, it continues to work and help us move forward even after the coaching period has ended. Working through the inner voices and the basic needs instantly creates a momentum where things start to happen, so the process is usually short and requires a small number of sessions. The beauty of the method is that we are not dependent on the consent or will of others. Everything is in our hands.
What Happens when the partner won’t participate?
When there are difficulties with a partner and they do not want to come, we will work with the client on their own internal state through their relationship narrative. We will identify and transform the seeds within the client that create or enable the disruptive situation and thus help bring it to an end. When there is no relationship and the client wants a relationship, it indicates that something is blocking the path, preventing the client from developing relationships. In the process we will look for that blockage and release it.
Additional Information
You can find more information on coaching in the method on the website.
You will also see comments on the site from people who work with Couples Harmony Coaching.
From the words of a Couples Harmony coach about the change it created in his life: “The journey of a harmonious relationship is deep and special, different from anything I have known so far. If up to now I was in a stage of personal development ruled by mine-yours, separation, projection, I have now moved up a level in my development to “everything is mine”, ” everything is inside me “, to the existing and ongoing relationship within me, between my inner parts, the masculine and the feminine, while all the “work ” is inner work within me, and mine.”
For further questions you can contact me through the contact-us page.
